And Avram said to Lot, let there be no strife between me and you, and between my shepherds and your shepherds, for we are brothers. (Bereishis 13:8)

The shepherds of Lot quarreled with the shepherds of Avraham. Avraham was troubled by this and said to Lot, “Why should we fight? We are like brothers!” To resolve it, he then suggested that they part ways to avoid further conflict. Rashi offers two explanations into why Avraham chose this path. The first is that since they have a brotherly bond, they shouldn’t fight. The second ties it to their physical resemblance, which needs further clarification: Why would mere likeness be a reason that they should separate to prevent strife?

In halacha, there is a principle known as maris ayin. This means that one should avoid actions that, if seen by others, could lead them to mistakenly think that he is doing something forbidden. For instance, during a meat meal, if a person is having a coffee with non-dairy creamer, there is a halachic discussion how to make it clear that that the creamer is parve. The Rama in Shulchan Aruch comments and advises that with almond milk, one should leave some almonds visible in the milk so that its status is readily apparent. Nowadays, some of the hechsherim even recommend keeping the parve whitener’s container on the table at a fleishic meal, just to dispel any doubt.

My purpose now is not to discuss the halachos involved, but rather to discuss the underlying concept. Picture a friend, Reuven, who was known to be a gentle and caring person. One day you spot him on the street beating up Shimon! You may pause in shock, thinking, “I never knew this side of Reuven — it must be that all these years of warmth and kindness were just a facade to impress people like me.” In reality, Shimon had just assaulted an innocent person named Levy, and Reuven had intervened to protect him.

Avraham recognized a similar risk: “When people see Lot’s shepherds letting their flocks graze on other people’s fields, they may see the shepherds together with their master. Being that we look alike, people may erroneously conclude that I, Avraham, condone such theft.” Realizing that this misunderstanding could damage both his own reputation and that of his righteous shepherds—and even lead to a Chilul Hashem—he urged a separation from Lot.

This concept is relevant in all areas of life. How often do we see someone acting out of character, and rush to label it as their “true self”? It could be a specific circumstance that caused them to act differently than usual. Our duty is to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and to assume that his current behavior was an anomaly.

As winter approaches, the ritual of opening and closing windows in shared places becomes very prominent. When opening or closing a window, consider what others may infer from your actions: are you doing a selfless act for the group, or a selfish act (because you are hot or cold) for your own comfort? If it looks like the latter, best to just leave things the way they are. We all hope that others will judge us favorably, but like Avraham, our job is to steer clear of such situations where favorable judgment is even needed.

Let us make it apparent to all that we are the children of Avraham – always attuned to others’ needs, and always careful to glorify Hashem’s name.