Hashem said, “Nevertheless, Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall name him Yitzchak and I will maintain My covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his offspring to come. (Bereishis 17:19)

Sometimes people have good news and they want to share it with their loved ones and friends. There is, so to speak, a race of who will be the one to tell the news to others. This urge seems a bit peculiar, as the people are going to find out about it in any case. Imagine that your family has been waiting for what seems like an eternity for a particular piece of news. If you have that news, how could you possible hold that news back from your family?

Yet we find Avraham and Sarah were waiting to have a child for decades, and after Hashem Himself told Avraham that he would have a child, we do not find that Avraham shared this news with Sarah! What reason would he have to withhold this amazing news from his wife?

The Ramban actually asks this question in next week’s parsha (Ramban 18:15) and gives a variety of answers. I would like to focus on one of them. First, what is the underlying reason that people want to be the one to break news to others? I believe that some people feel that when someone will hear good news in the proper way, the recipient of the news will actually enjoy the news more. Therefore, being that they would like to cause pleasure to the person who is going to hear the news, and they believe that they can say it in a better way, they jump at the chance. However, what would happen if the person felt that if a different individual would break the news the recipient would be happier? Would he be able to control himself and hold back so that the other person would receive more pleasure?

Avraham Avinu was the embodiment of chesed and understood that the true chesed is to have the other person gain the fullest pleasure possible. In fact, the medrash tells us that when a poor person would come to him to eat he would give him delicacies that he never tasted and when a “middle class” person came in he would upgrade his menu too, so that each person could receive an extra amount of pleasure. Unfortunately, I believe that there are many hosts who would rather serve a dish that is enjoyable for the host to make or eat, rather than a dish which the guests would appreciate.

The Ramban tells us that Avraham was aware that Hashem would inform the prophets of all important matters happening in the world. Therefore, Avraham reasoned that Hashem Himself would inform Sarah that she would soon have a child. Therefore, not only was it not necessary for Avraham to tell his wife, but she would obviously get more pleasure by getting the information “firsthand” from Hashem Himself, thereby giving her the greatest feelings of security.

I believe that there is a lesson to be learned here in regard to how to do chesed. Sometimes, the greatest way to do chesed is by not being the one to do the chesed. For example, a person might have an opportunity to drive a Rav to a desired location, knowing that by doing so he will have that Rav’s ear for an extended period of time. At the end of the ride, the driver will feel invigorated that he has done a wonderful chesed and also benefited from his personal interaction with the Rav. Yet sometimes it was apparent at the start (had the driver thought about it) that the Rav might have wanted to use that “drive time” as quiet time for himself.

May we all merit to do chesed in a way that is fulfilling and appreciated by the recipient and at the same time be enjoyable for us to do, too.