The following story is told involving two great talmidei chachaim:

The first one was a talmid of the Chasam Sofer who lived in a time when the Reform movement was in its heyday. The Chasam Sofer instilled in his talmidim that they should keep a watchful eye, and that there should be no deviation from the holy customs established within klal Yisrael. This particular talmid chacham chanced to visit a community that was having a simcha that week. The townsmen decided that in order to save time during shacharis (because they had to make extra aliyos in order to give everyone a kibud), before Shabbos they gave cards to each person telling them when they would be called up to the Torah, and this way a few seconds would be saved at each aliya. This great gadol saw this as a hole in the dike – a possible slippery slope that may erode tradition and halachah. This could have been thought of hundreds of years  ago, but yet was never instituted (maybe we should look into the custom that some places have instituted that the gabbai says the words of the “mi shebeirach l’cholim” aloud, and everyone quietly says the name of the infirm person that they would personally like included within this blessing). Throughout the Shabbos that he spent in the community, this talmid brought to the community’s attention their laxness in various areas and gave a heavy dose of mussar regarding holy customs.

A few weeks later the second talmid chacham came to that community, and heaped praises upon the community for the things they did correctly. After Shabbos, a delegation went to the latter rabbi to ask for an explanation as to why he sees good in the community, whereas the previous visitor only told them about their negative aspects. He answered as follows: Hashem gives each of the gedolim different dispositions because klal Yisrael needs alternate approaches at various times. Hashem, made the turn of events as such, that when it was necessary to admonish your community for its breach of tradition, the right man showed up. However, there are other times when encouragement is in place, and Hashem worked it out that I should be here this week.

Indeed, we find that in regard to the education of a child Chazal tell us (symbolically) that the right hand should bring the child close but the left hand should also be used sometimes to push the child away. Both hands are necessary to bring up a well-balanced adult. In fact, the Torah itself recognizes this by the mitzvot of honoring and fearing one’s parent. When discussing honoring the parent the Torah stresses the father, and when discussing fearing the parent, the Torah stresses the mother. Chazal tell us that the reason is that a person naturally fears his father because the father is usually the one who gives the punishment, whereas a person naturally honors his mother because the mother is usually the one who showers love on the child. Therefore, honor had to be stressed by the father and fear by the mother.

In this week’s parsha, Yaakov Avinu splits his family into two and tells his family that if Eisav comes and attacks one camp, there will always be the other camp for refuge. This may be an allusion to the fact that klal Yisrael is made up of two distinct camps, as we find in various places, different groupings (ex: Yosef splitting up the brothers, the splitting of the tribes by Har Grizim and Har Eival, and the split of the tribes on the stones of the choshen).

It is important for us to know, that when rebuking someone, it is sometimes necessary to tell him how great he is and therefore his current conduct is inappropriate. However, sometimes just stern words are in place without any compliment at all.

We should all merit to know which approach to take when a situation arises.

Good Shabbos and good luck!