“And all the congregation lifted up their voice and cried and the people wept that night” (Numbers 14:1). Rabba said that Rabbi Yoḥanan said: That night was the night of the Ninth of Av. The Holy One, Blessed be He, said to them: You wept needlessly that night, and I will therefore establish for you a true tragedy over which there will be weeping in future generations. (Taanis 29a)

Imagine living in the lap of luxury with no bills to pay, no debts being incurred and in a utopian bliss. All this is happening because someone who has it all is guaranteeing you success. You hear on the news that there may be danger ahead and the Powerful one says, “Don’t worry, I will protect you!”, yet you sit and fret. How silly is this reaction?! What a waste of time and resources! We would call this “wasted energy”. The verse calls this, “Bechia shel chinam” – weeping for no reason (Taanis 29a). That night of Tisha b’Av, by the “sin of the spies”, we cried for no reason. We had miracles abound – our food, laundry, travel plans, air conditioning – everything was taken care of in an opulent and miraculous way. Therefore, the Torah calls this “weeping for nothing!”

The Me’archei Lev tells us that we lacked emunah. In the desert Hashem’s hand was clear and apparent, and yet we closed our eyes to that and acted as if it was dark and that we had no support around us. He points out that this same lack of belief, that Hashem orchestrates everything around us and can make anything happen, is found in our interpersonal relationships as well. If a building would fall on a person, just crumbling without anyone doing anything to it first, would we hate those beams and concrete? We would understand that it came from G-d and it is a message to us. On the contrary we would be thankful, saying, “Hashem is telling us to wake up and do teshuva introspection” and that fortunately Hashem sent that lesson through sticks and stones. However, when our fellow man ruins our imagined security, whether he cuts us off on the road, takes away a business client, or even simply embarrasses us in public, one may have a feeling of hatred towards the person – thinking “and with good reason!”. However, Chazal tell us that no one can hurt you unless Hashem allows it. From our vantage point, we must understand that the person who wronged me was the emissary of Hashem, and to have a personal grudge against him is purely b’chinam – a big waste! This is the first step we need to take before thinking about rebuking someone when we are wronged. We must take ourselves out of the picture, pretend he did it to someone else and then ask ourselves if this person deserves the rebuke.

The Gemara at the end of Sotah says that the generation preceding Mashiach will have a “face like that of a dog”. Rav Elchonon Wasserman HY”D explained this as follows: When a dog gets hit by a person with a stick, and then the person throws the stick, the dog chases the stick and not the person, even though the person really was the cause of the dog’s pain. So too before Mashiach comes, Hashem will send various punishments to the world. But instead of people realizing that these punishments are messages from Hashem, people will blame the messenger instead.

The Vilna Gaon said that the reasons for the destructions of both the first and the second Temple in Jerusalem are referred to at the top of the two tablets of the 10 commandments. The second Temple was destroyed because the Jews violated the first commandment of “I am Hashem”. Meaning that all sinas chinam comes from a lack of belief that Hashem runs the world.

So, the next time you think you have a gripe with your fellow Jew, take a time out to think if and when to respond. You may find out that it is truly a waste of time because you really don’t have much to complain about.