The thing (teshuva) is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, for you to do it. (Devarim 30:14)

In the Selichos, after shema koleinu and ashamnu, we have three paragraphs that discuss how different prophets (Micah, Daniel, and Ezra) approached Hashem in beseeching mercy for accepting repentance. What is the purpose of all these paragraphs?

About the mitzvah of repentance, the Torah writes “…it is in your mouth and in your heart.” It seems to me that this verse is stating that each person has to find his own way to ask forgiveness from Hashem. This is not a one-size-fits-all deal. Each person must express his deep regret the way he feels and ask Hashem for forgiveness based on his feelings. Therefore, in the Selichos we give examples of different prophets, as each one had his own approach to ask Hashem for forgiveness.

I would like to extend this idea and apply it to the situation of asking forgiveness between man and his fellow man. I have often seen different people try to ask forgiveness from others, and they are not necessarily successful in eliciting real forgiveness from that person.

My father once told me about a person who complained that they had been wronged. As he explained the situation, it seemed to both my father and me that it was for something very trivial. Afterwards, I asked my father how he understood the situation? He said that there are many people who fought in a war as a soldiers. One soldier says, “Don’t touch my arm, I have a wound there from many years ago.” Another says, “Don’t touch my leg, as I have a wound there from many years ago.” A person who never fought in a war thinks both of these people are crazy, because why should something that happened years ago still bother a person?! Yet, someone who fought in a war and went through certain kinds of situations, can carry with them the pain and the wound for decades.

So too in the world of interpersonal relationships, different people have different “soft spots”, and we don’t always know when we may hit that ultra-sensitive area, triggering an unexplainable (to us) reaction. It is our job to realize that everyone can have their own perspective and that not everyone experiences things the way we do. When we don’t honor that right and judge them, we may find out that sometimes we can cause uncomfortableness – even animosity – to the other person. This can happen even if others would be perfectly fine and acceptable with your actions. This means that everyone has a right to be sensitive in their own specific way. Because of this, the best way to mollify them must be tailor-made for this particular person and the particular incident that happened.

At this time of year when we are focusing on asking for forgiveness from others that we may have offended, I believe it is important for us to understand that not everyone feels the same about everything as we do. For if we only see things from our perspective, we will very often not ask for forgiveness with the sincerity that is needed (because we don’t think it was such a big deal). We therefore must give them the latitude to have their own feelings, and view them and their situations with the respect due to every individual. There is only one Judge and we are not Him.

May we all merit to elicit forgiveness from our peers, friends, and teachers, and that should act as a steppingstone to receiving forgiveness from Hashem for all that we have done that is incorrect.