“He said I will not eat until I say what I need to say” (Bereishis 24:33)

Why did Eliezer refuse to eat before delivering his message to Lavan?

Generally, we assume that one with a connection with a talmid chacham will be positively influenced. We rarely worry that a talmid chacham himself may be affected negatively by a relationship with a layman. I once heard, in the name of Rav Aharon Kotler ZT”L (1892-1962), that he moved to America rather than Eretz Yisrael, because the Gemara says, “While something is expelling, it can’t absorb”. In other words, since he was going to America to teach and influence others, he wasn’t concerned that he would be negatively affected by the secular environment.

This assumption – that the talmid chacham affects others without be affected himself – holds true only when the talmid chocham’s role is clear relative to the layman’s role. If, however, the layman considers himself equal or even greater than the talmid chocham, then each of them could be negatively affected by the other.

This concept can be found in the Gemara Sanhedrin 52b, where it warns (paraphrased) that when a talmid chacham accepts money from an am haaretz, the more he takes, the lower his status becomes in the am haaretz’s eyes. Note how precisely the Gemara labels the donor an am haaretz, the epitome of one indifferent to spiritual growth. The Ben Ish Chai (Chacham Yosef Chaim of Baghdad, 1832-1909) explains this gemara with profound insight. A talmid chacham’s mission in this world is to benefit others and elevate them. That is why the Gemara likens a talmid chacham to a Golden Jug of water (kiton – קיתון). If one reorganizes the letters, it spells tikkun (תיקון), repair. The talmid chacham is supposed to fix the world, yet once he takes from the am haaretz, he loses his status in the eyes of the am haaretz, diminishing his ability to affect him positively.

Based on this, we can understand why Eliezer refused to take food from Lavan until he said his piece. Had he taken the food first, Lavan wouldn’t have respected Eliezer the same way and may not have allowed Rivka to go with him. Eliezer understood that to influence Lavan, he had to keep his respect by not taking anything from him.

This lesson, or course, applies to the am haaretz, who doesn’t want to grow.  Therefore, anything he gives the talmid chacham, lowers the talmid chacham’s status in his eyes. But for us who respect talmidei chachamim and want to grow, the more we give them, the more connected we become to them, and the more they affect us in a positive way. The gemara Kiddushin 7a illustrates this when it states that when a woman presents a gift to an important person (e.g. a talmid chacham), it can even effect a kiddushin, as she gains from his acceptance of her gift.

May Hashem guide us to seek out people greater than ourselves and connect ourselves to them, so that our own growth can reach even higher levels.