You shall surely give him, and let your heart not feel bad when you give him. (Devarim 15:10)

There is a well-known saying from the chasidish and litvish greats: when giving charity, one must ensure that the poor person is treated with dignity. Beyond the simple understanding, that part of the mitzvah is also to make the poor feel good, there is an additional aspect. Since the mitzvah is fulfilled via the poor person, he becomes the “object” of the mitzvah, and must therefore be treated with the same respect we give to holy objects, such as an esrog. Although many supported this idea, the Alter of Slabodka (Rabbi Nosson Tzvi Finkel 1849–1927) disagreed. He felt that objectifying a fellow Jew diminishes his inherent greatness. We must always recognize and honor the greatness in every individual.

A famous story is told about a chassidishe Rebbe. A poor man once came to him and poured out his heart, describing his plight. As soon as he finished, the Rebbe handed him a generous donation. Before the man left, the Rebbe gave him a second donation. After the man exited, the chassidim asked: Why didn’t the Rebbe give all the money at once? The Rebbe explained: “The first time, I gave because I felt bad for him. This means I acted out of emotion, not out of fulfilling Hashem’s will. The second time, I realized my mistake and gave again – this time with the proper intent of doing Hashem’s will.”

With this story, we can better understand the argument between the Alter and those who supported the “object of the mitzvah” idea. When relating to the poor person himself, we must see him as someone created in G-d’s image, deserving of the proper respect by virtue of being one of Hashem’s creations. But when fulfilling the mitzvah of tzedaka, the recipient becomes the “object” through which we fulfill the mitzvah. Our job is to hold both intentions in mind.

The verse above tells us that one should not have negative thoughts while giving. This can be understood in two ways. First, when performing a mitzvah, we must remember that mitzvos cost money – just as an esrog costs money. And just as we don’t complain about the price of an esrog, we shouldn’t complain about our tzedakah expenses. Second, neither the giver nor recipient should walk away with any negative feelings. The poor person should walk away feeling like a million bucks, and the giver should feel uplifted as well, knowing he made another Jew happy.

May we merit to fulfill all our mitzvos in a way that brings joy to both Hashem and man.