“If your brother, being in straits…do not exact advance or accrued interest…” (Vayikra 25:35-36)

There was an avreich, Reuven, who was very handy. His neighbor Shimon was a Talmid chacham, but with two left hands. Shimon had a plumbing problem for which it would cost him a large amount of money to hire a professional. He was therefore hesitant to fix it. “This is an easy job!” said Reuven. “Just pay me for the cost of the parts and I’ll do the work for you without charge.” After Reuven had fixed the problem, Shimon reimbursed him for the parts, but also slipped him a 50 shekel note. “What’s this?” asked Reuven, pointing to the 50 shekel note? “I would like to pay you for your services.” said Shimon. “I was doing you a favor for free,” responded Reuven, “But if you insist on paying, my full price is 400 shekels for this job.”

This idea is about not giving the proper recognition to someone and to what he has done for you. Even if unintentionally, one may end up insulting him. One can ask his friend the plumber for a ride in his truck and his friend the taxi driver to help with the plumbing, but to ask the plumber to help with plumbing, or to ask the taxi driver for a ride to the store, is probably abusing the friendship.

However, in life these kinds of dilemmas can become more complicated. I once heard someone say, “I have to buy an esrog from my cousin because he is family. But I can’t ask him for a discount because I want him to earn a living.” This is a bit confusing – when is a relationship supposed to benefit both sides, and when is it proper for it to only benefit one side?

Rabbi Shimon Schwab (1908-1995) asks the following, “The Torah forbids us to take interest from a Jew on a monetary loan. This needs explanation as lending money is a normal business practice – not much different than a person who has a rental service and rents out all types of physical items. Why should it be improper to ‘rent out’ money but not other items?” He answers with a fascinating idea, “When discussing lending money in this week’s parsha, the Torah uses the term ‘your brother’, and this is the key to understanding this mitzvah. Business relationships with brothers are different and demand a different way of appreciating one’s brother’s needs. Therefore,” he says, “the severity of the sin is due to a lack of brotherly love. Family is not the place that we should be making our profits. Family is a place where in general there is a feeling of camaraderie for all parties involved in the deal.”

This idea is actually reflected loosely in halacha. When speaking about the laws of paying back precisely, there are times within the family provisions that are not considered usury, and that is because the relationship itself demands that we give a “baker’s dozen” (13) rather than a precise dozen.

It is appropriate that this message be read during the time of sefira. This is the time that we are supposed to be contemplating our relationship with our fellow Jew. Do we “love our neighbor as ourselves” or not?

Aside from the halachos of usury, this kind of petty complaining unfortunately happens more in families than in other relationships. For example, one party might complain to the other that he has invited him over many more times than the reverse. The key to a successful family relationship is exactly the point of not keeping score. Just as you would not want someone to remember how many times a family member did you a favor, try not to count the favors that you have done for your family members. Rather consider it a privilege to help those whom you love.