“And Kaleiv stilled the people toward Moshe, and said: ‘We should go up at once, and possess it; for we are well able to overcome it.’” (Bamidbar 13:30)

While nearly everyone wants to do the right thing, many people find it challenging to determine what exactly is the right thing to do! For example, I was asked the following question not long ago. An elderly grandmother and her daughter were unfortunately not on good terms, so the grandchildren helped their grandmother in her own home. One day I received an urgent call from the grandson: His grandmother asked him to bring her to a lawyer so that she could alter her Last Will and Testament by removing her daughter as beneficiary and inserting her grandson in her stead! The grandson told me, “I am willing to do whatever you say. Just tell me what the right thing to do is! Do I help my grandmother and upset my mother, or do I refuse my grandmother’s request and make her upset?” (Seems like a lose-lose situation!)

How does one determine what is the right course of action in such a situation?

Here is a rule of thumb as to how to approach these decisions, where one is not sure which Yetzer is behind each side.

This rule is expressed in a story told about Rav Chaim Volozhiner. There was someone who came to Volozhin to collect for an institution of learning. As he appeared to be a true talmid chacham and had a pleasant demeaner, he was very successful in his collection efforts. However, people noticed that Rav Chaim didn’t give him one cent. This puzzled everyone, but no one dared to ask the Rav why he didn’t give him anything. A short time later, this man was exposed not only as an imposter, but as a missionary with a school targeting Jewish boys. When Rav Chaim was asked, “How did you know? Do you have ruach hakodesh?” he said, “No, it was actually very simple. The man asked me for money, and I was happy to give him the money. However, when one wants to do a mitzvah, usually there is a yetzer hara that causes one to be lazy in fulfilling the mitzvah. In this case, I felt a great enthusiasm which usually didn’t come with other mitzvos. I therefore understood that this must be the yetzer hara telling me to give him money, and so I did not give him anything.”

The Alter of Kelm (Chochmah Umusar 176) speaks about people who feel that they have nothing to offer and therefore walk around feeling depressed. He discusses this psychological phenomenon and explains that it is our obligation to fight against this possible false humility. Feeling down about oneself causes people to not be enthusiastic, or not create high goals of accomplishment for themselves.

The Meshech Chochmah explains why it was that the Jews felt that they would not be successful in conquering the land. They saw Moshe perform many miracles for them and they pinned a great deal of trust on their leader: “He is such a tzaddik! He can make it all happen! But us, by ourselves, what are we worth?!?” Eldad and Meidad at the end of last week’s parsha prophesized that Moshe would not take the people into Eretz Yisrael. The people therefore concluded that on their merits alone, without Moshe, there was no way they could conquer the land! Therefore, Kaleiv said, “No, we can do it! It is all within our power!” The Meshech Chochmah goes on to explain that when the Bnei Yisrael was on a lower level in the desert, Moshe did not receive prophecy. So, we see that in opposition to what the Bnei Yisrael thought, even Moshe’s ability to succeed was dependent upon their level of emunah and bitachon. This is an example of how important it is to be aware of what is driving our choices.

I believe it is important for us to believe we can succeed in any situation that Hashem sends us. We just must ensure that we know which Yetzer is talking to us, by applying the tools given to us by our teachers. If it sounds like it is the right thing to do, think twice!! And if it sounds like it is the wrong thing to do, think THREE Times. Wishing you Hatzlocho!