“And all of the House of Israel shall cry for the conflagration that Hashem has sent.” (Vayikra 10:6)

Aharon’s two sons died after bringing an offering to Hashem, which they thought was the right thing to do. It is truly sorrowful when someone thinks he is doing something right, yet is actually doing something so wrong that he must lose his life because of it. Perhaps this provides an opportunity for us to reflect on the reasons one is obligated to mourn altogether. Hashem runs the world and obviously knows what He is doing. Everything He does is for the ultimate good! If that is the case, wouldn’t crying indicate a lack of belief in G-d’s running the world?

The granddaughter of a Rosh Yeshiva in America tragically died on Purim, leaving behind orphans including a two-month-old baby. As the Rosh Yeshiva was getting out of the car before the funeral, he commented to the person escorting him, “It is all good!” The escort asked back, “Do you really mean that?” and the Rosh Yeshiva responded “I really do” – and then he burst out crying. One can have stalwart belief that everything Hashem does is for the best, and at the same time mourn the tragedy at hand.

The Ramban tells us that the statement, “It is natural for people to die”, is not true, for initially people were supposed to live forever. It is only our sins and inadequate ways which cause death to exist, thereby removing us from achieving our ultimate goal of eternal bliss. Therefore, when someone dies, there is a regimen of halachos that must be followed because mourning is proper.

For example, upon the demise of Sarah – who Chazal said lived a perfect life – there was a need for three days of crying, as those who have moved on have lost opportunities to achieve greater heights in spirituality. Similarly, shortly before the Vilna Gaon died, he lifted his tzitzis, cried, and said, “For a few pennies, look what one can accomplish in this world. Once we move on to the next world, we can’t accomplish anything.” Aside from this, the people left behind have lost a role model who demonstrated a certain way of serving Hashem.

I believe the case of the children of Aharon is the ultimate example of something worth crying over. These great men were trying to serve Hashem to their utmost, and made a fatal mistake in their act of what they felt was performing a mitzvah. What greater tragedy can there be than that?! This is why Moshe said that everyone should cry over this tragedy, though their punishment was deserved.

In our own lives we often go to a shiva house for the purpose of comforting the mourner and wonder what to say. I would like to begin with the words of Rav Sholom Schwadron on the verse, “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a wedding” (Koheles 7:2).  He explains that it is because when people go to a wedding all they do is prattle, whereas at a shiva home people usually find it hard to say anything, and therefore they sit quietly.

The Gemora tells us that if a word is worth a dollar, silence is worth two. Therefore, Rabbi Schwadron explains that one is better off going to a shiva home and being silent rather than going to a wedding and talking.

I believe there is a deeper meaning to his words: At a wedding the guests are exuberant, full of life, and carefree. Whereas at the shiva home, the atmosphere causes one to weigh his every action and word. Indeed, it gives us more purpose in our actions and words, than at a wedding where we don’t feel the same somberness. We are supposed to leave the house of mourning with a greater realization that every moment of life should be lived to fulfill one’s purpose. Our vigilance in how we act and speak in the house of mourning should follow us even when we leave.

The Egyptians experienced tremendous afflictions, yet they didn’t use them to grow closer to Hashem. As believing Jews, our job is learn from our “low” times (such as the loss of a loved one r”l), to take greater advantage of the life Hashem has given us. We learn from the Parsha that in order to do this, it isn’t just the thought that counts. Our actions also need to be based on the will of Hashem.