[Neither] an Ammonite nor a Moabite may enter the congregation of Hashem; even their tenth generation shall not enter the congregation of Hashem, to eternity. Because they did not greet you with bread and water on the way, when you left Egypt (Devarim 23:4-5)

On the above verse, Rav Gedaliah Nadel (1923-2004) questions, “Why was there such a severe punishment for this, not to ever be accepted into the nation of Israel, just because they didn’t do chesed with us when we left Egypt?” Doing “chesed” is not even one of the seven Noahide mitzvos!? (See Ramban about Sodom).

He answers that this is not a punishment, rather a sign that these nations’ culture was antithetic to that of our nation. Hashem knew that these nations would never be able to transition to Jewish culture, as they are lacking the underpinnings of Jewish character.  Chazal say (Yevamos 79a, Mesilas Yesharim 19:26): Rava expounded: “Whoever has these three traits is surely of the seed of Avraham our forefather: mercy, shame, and benevolence.” (Correspondingly, whoever is lacking these three traits is not of the seed of Avraham). This is an easy idea to relate to and is seen the world over. Jews far surpass the gentiles in the number of good deeds performed and charities supported. (A frum accountant, after filing a tax return for a gentile client in America, exclaimed to my chavrusa in bewilderment, “How can someone who makes $150,000 a year only give $150 to charity!?”

However, there is another side of the subject of the Ammonite and Moabite nations which is quite puzzling. Chazal teach us that a woman Moabitess can marry into Klal Yisrael. The reason for this is that this idea that they did not offer sustenance to the Jews is not a negative reflection on the women of these nations, as they didn’t go out and offer food due to their positive trait of modesty. Rav Moshe Feinstein has difficulty with this because the Torah tells us that the daughters of Moab themselves were very busy trying to ensnare the Jewish men! It is hard to call such women modest! Reb Moshe answers this question with a fascinating thought: One has to look at the default position of a person. Bilaam told the Moabite men to get the Jewish men to sin, and they accomplished this by convincing their wives to entice the Jewish men. Even though the women were trying to do shameful acts, that wasn’t really who they were. Their Yetzer hara got the best of them. Hence, Reb Moshe suggests that they can marry into klal Yisrael because they are not sinners at their core. Whereas the men cannot marry into Klal Yisrael, even though they did not actually do this grievous sin, because their core characteristics are not congruent with the Jewish people.

Most of us, after committing a sin, will feel remorse, even though we haven’t come to any new understanding. So why do we suddenly feel guilty after sinning? It seems to me that before the sin we have a yetzer hara which pushes us to do something against our nature, and the desire overcomes our common sense. After sinning, when there is no more desire, our default position returns to our minds, and we truly feel remorse.

At this time of year, when we are examining our own actions, I think we should take note that even though we may sin, this does not necessarily indicate who we really are. With this recognition, those sins are easier to atone for, as we tell Hashem that we weren’t “being ourselves”.  However, there are other kinds of sins which are more deeply rooted and demand a greater amount of repentance as we need to reset our default position of who we really are. Baruch Hashem we still have time to even take care of those ingrained sins as well. Let us use our time wisely.