A small lesion on the lung of a big cow. Maybe. That could be the difference between “glatt” and not “glatt”. Yet when the owner brings the lung to the Rav to have him give a ruling, could we ever imagine the owner being angry at the cow? The baalei mussar tell us that a person’s attitude in similar situations is almost laughable! Why is it that after the Rabbi assesses the situation and says that the cow is definitely kosher, but it may not be “glatt”, the person says, “I will take the loss and sell it to a gentile”, even though by doing so he may lose out a hefty sum of money. Yet, when it comes to questions in monetary matters, for some reason people find it difficult to concede to the other person’s position? The question is why is it easier for one to let go of his money when it is a cow as opposed to a person? The explanation for this is that a person does not consider a cow “competition” in his own realm. It is a subordinate being, and even if the cow, so to speak “wins”, it does not make him a lesser man. But if another man wins, a person feels like a loser.

This is an unfortunate mindset, for in reality we know that a person who is consistently mevater holds the awe of many and is held in high regard in Heaven. Conversely, the person who fights tooth-and-nail, even when he is in the right, is looked upon in a negative light by his fellow man and in Heaven.

Nowadays it is commonplace to have rabbis sit in a special room, called a beis horaah. It is usually dedicated to answering questions on the sections of Shulchan Aruch of Orach Chaim and Yoreh Deah. Of late it has become popular to have such a service in the areas of Choshen Mishpat as well, which is specific to interpersonal financial dealings. At first glance that seems odd, as every dayan knowns that one cannot adjudicate a case in Choshen Mishpat without hearing both sides. The answer to this, though, is quite obvious. There are some people who are not looking for a fight. They just want to know what is the halacha: Am I permitted to do this act, which affects someone else, or am I prohibited from doing it?

It is important to understand that Choshen Mishpat is not about fighting with our neighbors – it is about getting along with our neighbors. I heard a Rabbi once express this idea by saying as follows: I was sitting in the beis horaah and a man came in and said, “I have a shoe store, and a competitor just opened up the exact same kind of store across the street. My dear rabbis, my question for you is as follows: A person has an obligation to work hard to earn a living, and he should be prudent and shrewd in his business dealings. If the halacha says that this man has no right to open his store because he is encroaching on my territory, am I therefore obligated to ask you to tell him to close down because of the special din of “hasagas gvul”? Or, if he is not halachically encroaching on my area and I have no claim against him, then it is my obligation to realize that parnasa comes from heaven and I wish him much mazel.”

This sort of question is not asked often enough. The reason for this is that often we see our colleagues as a threat. The Ruach Yaakov says that the point of going to the Beit Horaah is to see if you should go to din or is the halacha against you.  This is alluded to in the verse “A person (singular) comes to the judge” (Shemos 18:16), which signifies that a proper question is being asked, though there is only one litigant. The Ruach Yaakov seems to understand that when there is no argument, there is not even a subtle concern that the person may change the facts even accidentally or set up the narrative in a way that would put him in a better light.

Whether this is true or not, we need to be honest with ourselves when it comes to our dealings with our fellow man. Are we trying to do what Hashem wants us to do or are we looking to win? Elul, which stands for Ani Lidodi Vidodi Li, is a perfect time to start working on this.