The robe of the High Priest atones for malicious speech, as the Holy One, Blessed be He says: Let an item that produces sound, i.e., the bells of the robe, come and atone for an act of malicious sound, i.e., malicious speech. (Erachin 16a)

Chazal tell us that the mieel brings atonement for lashon hara, and they describe the hem as representing one’s lips that must be kept closed, not always divulging what one knows. I recently read a story that I would like to share with you:

There was a man whose neighbor and colleague asked him to sign on as a guarantor on a loan. Though it was a large sum of money, the man felt that his relationship obligated him, despite his concerns, to take on this large financial commitment for his neighbor and friend. Shortly after the neighbor received the money from the lender, he and his family vacated their apartment and disappeared without a trace. The man understood the implication and that he was left “holding the bag”, as the borrower was apparently not going to pay the loan back. Eventually, as expected, the lender contacted him: “I am really sorry to do this to you, but the loan is due, and we cannot locate your neighbor to pay it back. We are therefore requesting that you, as the guarantor, pay us the money your neighbor owes.” The man responded, “I understand my obligation, but you must give me some time to ‘create’ that money.” The man came home and told his wife about his sudden financial obligation and asked her to help him obtain several smaller loans to pay off this big loan that fell onto him. His wife asked, “Who did this to you?” and he responded, “You know, we don’t speak lashon hara. It makes no difference who it was.” Then without divulging the identity of the defaulting borrower, the man and his wife gathered the money necessary to pay off the loan – and he immediately became a debtor, which lasted for the next few years.

Sometime after all this, the wife received an invitation to a wedding of a relative in a distant country outside of Israel – the invitation even included a ticket for air travel! The wife readily went to the wedding, though she did not expect to recognize a soul at the wedding save her relative. To her surprise she ran into her old neighbor – the one who seemed to have evaporated into thin air (and unbeknownst to the wife without paying off the loan). She pounced on the opportunity to catch up with her long-lost friend’s news and to catch her friend up on her own family’s news. When the former neighbor saw this woman coming to her from across the hall she was petrified, thinking, “She is probably going to embarrass me in public!” But to her amazement not only did she not get scolded, but her neighbor actually conversed with her as if nothing had happened! When she returned to her husband that night, the former neighbor told him, “Not only did she not call me a thief, but she actually treated me like a genuine friend and as if nothing happened.” Her husband asked her to repeat every word of the conversation and it became clear to both of them that their old friends were indeed still their friends. He doubled his resolve to ensure keeping such good friends, and quickly wired the money he owed to his guarantor – his former neighbor – which arrived even before the wife left the country to return home to Israel.

It is obvious that if the man would have shared the identity of the original borrower with his wife, the warm conversation would never have taken place and the loan probably still would not have been repaid. This clearly demonstrates how there are times when being quiet will help you in the long run.

But I would like to share with you another aspect. What would have been gained by this man sharing the name of the neighbor with his wife? We can look to the Purim story to get an idea: Chazal tell us that Haman would often say lashon hara about klal Yisrael. He also said lashon hara to his wife about Mordechai not bowing down. But Haman’s “loose lips” eventually brought about his “great slip”. (See Gemara Megilla 13b)

So too, had the man told his wife that their neighbor defaulted on the loan, it would only bring grief to the wife and more hatred into the world. The neighbors were gone, and the wife would not have had the ability to bring about justice, and in turn would have been bitter and frustrated. This family learned first-hand that through keeping the laws of lashon hara, ignorance of the people involved can definitely lead to bliss.