“Now the children of Re᾽uven and the children of Gad had a very great multitude of cattle…” (Bamidbar 32:1)

Rav Simcha Bunim of Peshischa explains the verse quoted above to mean that these two tribes had a special connection to Moshe Rabbeinu, their Rebbe. Because of this connection, they wanted to stay on the other side of the Jordan River, thereby making it part of Eretz Yisroel, which would in turn give Moshe the ability to go into Eretz Yisroel “proper”.

The Imrei Emes discusses this ploy and he said that these two tribes made the secondary primary, and the primary secondary. The primary focus of a person must be to ensure that he can excel at his own avodas Hashem. This would have been accomplished by the Bnei Gad and Bnei Reuven going into Eretz Yisrael proper.

Many times I look around the shul and I see something that pains me which I would like to bring to your attention. The halacha states that if one happens to come late one day to davening, if necessary, one should skip parts of pesukei dizimra in order to say Shemoneh Esrei with the congregation.  But when I look from my seat and see an individual who is still saying pesukei dezimra while the rest of the tzibur is in the middle of birkas keriyas shema, instead of seeing this person trying to catch up by skipping certain parts of pesukei dizimra so that he can say tefillah b’tzibur, it seems to me that he thinks that the way he is proceeding is more important. After all, he probably justifies to himself, there are opinions that one should not skip any part of pesukei dezimra. Note that though there may be such opinions, they are not the accepted halacha. In addition, while that might be a good excuse if it just happened once, but it seems to me that these same people do not make enough effort to come early to davening, to ensure that they get to shemoneh esrei with the tzibur. Most of the early commentators point out that the advantage of tefillah b’tzibur accomplishes more for a person’s tefillah than even the best personal kavanos and saying all of the pesukei dezimra. This is an idea that is hard to connect to, for we seem to believe that when we say all the words properly and close our eyes and concentrate, this is the ultimate in prayer. Unfortunately, one who does this has made the secondary the primary: Instead of making tefillah betzibur the ultimate goal, they have made a secondary goal their primary goal.

There are those who have a rebbe, and in order to have a relationship with him, may put aside other obligations they have. These people may be convinced that it is for their ultimate growth, but it isn’t necessarily so. There is a story told of a chossid who came to the Vizhnitzer Rebbe, Reb Chaim Mayer, during selichos and told him that he was in a quandary: It seemed to the chossid that his family obligations were demanding that he stay home for Rosh Hashanah, but his ruchnios needs and ultimate fulfilment were demanding that he come to the rebbe for Rosh Hashanah. He was shocked when the Rebbe himself said, “It is more important for you to stay home than for you to be in the beis medrash with all the other chasidim.”

Chazal tell us that even a talmid chacham is not permitted to rule on his own tzaraas, and instead must show the mark to a kohen. Our Rabbis tell us that this also applies to our coming to decisions about our own personal matters. This week someone asked me a question in Choshen Mishpat and I told him that while he was technically right, he will create an enemy and a hardship for eternity if he stands on his “rights”. Therefore, I suggested that he instead try to appease the other side. He shot back at me, “But if I do that, they may think that I think I am wrong, and I don’t want that!” I responded to him, “Let them think whatever they want, but at least you won’t have an enemy.” He responded to me again, “But they will think that I did something wrong!”. Once again, this was a person making the secondary primary.

As the three weeks are upon us, and we try to create our list of things that are important, it is especially important at this time that we understand the primary is “bein adom l’chaveiro” – having good interpersonal relationships with one’s fellow man, as opposed to taking care of our own personal desires. If we bring this to new heights, we might indeed merit to see the rebuilding of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem – even before Tisha B’Av!