“(The Kohein Gadol) may not defile himself for any deceased person, including his father and mother” (Vayikra 21:11)

The Torah tells us in this week’s parsha that the Kohen Gadol is not permitted to contaminate himself by participating in the funeral of his brothers, sisters or even his parents, because he is in the service of Hashem. This is quite striking, for on the other hand the Torah says that a “regular” Kohen is permitted to contaminate himself. In fact, according to one opinion in the Gemora, there is a mitzvah in the Torah for a regular Kohen to contaminate himself! Indeed, it seems strange that Aharon HaKohen, who was the ultimate example of caring for his fellow Jew, would have to act callously to his loved ones, including his parents who raised him. What is so special about the Kohen Gadol? The obvious answer to this question is that somehow his intense relationship with Hashem precludes his ability to release himself from that sphere to enter a different one.

There is a story told about the Chofetz Chaim, which took me a while to understand. The Chofetz Chaim had a son who was a great Tzadik. The son became sick while doing a mitzvah and eventually passed away in the midst of doing another mitzvah. At the time of his demise, the Chofetz Chaim was out of town and unreachable, and so the son was buried without the father being present. As people were returning from the funeral, the Chofetz Chaim arrived in town and when told what happened, said over the following story: During the Spanish Inquisition there was a woman who had only one child. When that child was given the choice to convert or die, he chose to die. At that point the mother looked towards Heaven and proclaimed, “Ribono Shel Olam, aside from You there is nothing in the world that I love except for my son. Now that my son is gone, I will use that love for you alone!” The Chofetz Chaim said, “I too, would like to make that statement: Hashem, I love my son immensely, and now that he is gone, I am giving that love to you.”

What I didn’t understand was that while there can be a conflict regarding a person’s love (e.g. two sons or two brothers), a person can simultaneously love both his father and his son. It does not seem to me that there is any conflict at all! So how is a person’s love for Hashem diminished by the fact that he also loves his child at the same time?

Today’s computers can have multiple windows open at the same time, each one running a different program without any conflicts between them. However, the more windows that are open, the longer it will take to execute a command – because there is only so much that can be done at one time by the internal processor.

Yes, there is no competition between one’s father and one’s son. One can love them both. But the emotional capacity to love is limited like a computer’s processor, and therefore divided by the two. This is what the mother meant and the Chofetz Chaim echoed: “I consecrate my love for you, Hashem!”

Yonatan Ben Uziel says (Devarim 33:9) that when the Kohanim go to do the holy work of Hashem they must take leave of their families, to the point of not knowing them. This means that their regular familial obligations must be suspended when they consecrate themselves in the service of Hashem. This level is obviously suspended in the case of the passing of a close relative. However, for the Kohen Gadol, even this is considered an infraction on his need to be totally absorbed in his holy work.

My father, Zichrono livracha, told me that when Rabbi Ruderman was studying in Slabodka, his father died and the Alter didn’t tell him until the zman ended, at which time he sat shiva. The Alter said it was a bigger merit for the father to his son to learn with hasmada than for the son to say Kaddish for him.

Obviously as the verse clearly tells us, there are different levels expected of each and every individual regarding how much we have to cut ourselves off from the world in order to serve Hashem. For example: should one leave his learning seder to go to a grave on a Yahrzeit? Something to think about.