On account of four things did Nadav and Avihu die… Aba Chanan says: Because they did not have wives. (Yalkut Shimoni Perek 10, Siman 524)

In this week’s parsha we are told about Aharon’s two sons, who died, according to the Midrash, because they were not married. The idea of marriage as an essential part of a person’s avodas Hashem is found throughout the Torah. An example of this is the Kohen Gadol, who not only was subject to the general requirement to be married, but was also required to be married in order to do the Avodah on Yom Kippur. Being married was so important that according to some opinions he was required to have a second wife waiting for him in case his first wife died on Yom Kippur. The reason for this that in order to ask for forgiveness for all of Klal Yisrael, one must connect oneself first to one’s spouse, family, tribe and only then the nation.

On Yom Tov, we know that to create true simcha, we are obligated to make our wives and children happy. For Simcha is not something that revolves around us, but rather around our “greater self”, which includes firstly our spouse, then our family, then our community.

According to the Yalkut Shimoni, Aharon Hakohen’s two sons felt that there was nobody who was properly fit to be a mate for them. This caused them to remain bachelors and therefore did not ascend to the spiritual heights which were befitting for them. The medrash relates their reasoning, but then points out something interesting. Instead of just saying that they were unable to reach the spiritual level they should have reached, it tells us that there were women who were left unmarried because the two sons didn’t marry. When I pondered the words of the medrash, a lesson from my Rosh Yeshiva in America popped up in my mind: There were many times that there were bochurim who were looking for chavrusas and there were no students at their level. The Rosh Yeshiva would say, “Learn with someone at a lower level and you will gain from it.” Many of the bochruim felt that the Rosh Yeshiva was just trying to broker a deal, however, I spoke to the Rosh Yeshiva about this many times and he truly believed that a bochur would gain from “broadening himself” if he were to learn with someone of a lesser stature. Chazal are telling us: think about others. When you think about others, you yourself become a greater person.

Chazal tell us that when all of Klal Yisrael came to the Beis Hamikdash three times a year, they fit into fifty square amos. Yet when they bowed down, miraculously each one had room for himself. A righteous person once explained this to me as follows: When I have created my own daled amos, and someone intrudes on it, I feel I am sacrificing of myself when I welcome him in. But when 600,000 people fit in to 50 amos, we all understand that these were never my “daled amos” to begin with, rather a gift from Hashem to all of us.

As the Yom Tov passes and we cherish our memories of the good times, we have to ask ourselves, “Was it OUR Pesach, because of all which we did, or was it the grace of Hashem that let us enjoy the Yom Tov. When we feel the gratitude that we have received more than we deserved, especially by letting others into our lives, we will not only have more simcha, but we can also reach greater heights in Torah. This is what the Gemora means when it says, “One who is lacking a wife is also lacking in Torah.”