“Let me die the death of those who are straight (in their ways)…” (Bamidbar 23:10)

Many people go on a diet, convinced that this time they are going to stick to it and keep the weight off forever. I once heard a very famous Jewish speaker, Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky, ask, “Which cookie is the most fattening cookie?” His answer: “The first one on the top of the box,” because once you eat that first cookie, you will inevitably finish the rest.

The core struggle of dieting is what I call the conflict of cash versus credit. I can have a piece of cake right now – that’s cash – or I can be skinny in a month – that’s credit. Most people will take the cash. They indulge now, and then convince themselves that somehow they’ll still end up skinny at the end of the month.

But this approach is not limited to dieting. It plays out in every area of life, especially with regard to mitzvos and aveiros. We know what we should be doing and where that leads. We also know what we shouldn’t be doing and where that leads. Yet we always imagine that we can beat the system.

Years ago, I heard Rabbi Noach Weinberg (1930-2009) describe an exercise he would do in an auditorium full of students. He would ask: “How many of you are planning to get married?” Usually, about 80% of the people raised their hands. Then he would ask, “And how many of you are planning to get divorced?” Almost no hands. Then Reb Noach would say, “But statistics show that nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce. If you think you are going to beat the odds, you must have some information worth sharing with the rest of us.” He would then quote the statistics about Jews marrying out of the faith. “If you’re not planning to intermarry,” he’d say, “you must have some trick up your sleeve! And if not, I’m here to offer you some help.”

The baalei mussar discuss the gap between what a person knows and how he acts. I once heard a famous contemporary mashgiach explain the following verse (Devarim 4:39): “v’yadata hayom v’hashivosa el levavecha” – you must take what you know in your mind and transfer it to your heart. The challenge is that we think with our heads, not with our hearts. But the heart of a person is placed in the center of the body for a reason. Scientifically, 60% of the blood flows to the brain – so for blood circulation, it is central.

A person is ruled by his heart. Therefore, we must take the truths we know in our minds and make them central in our lives by putting them in our hearts. This idea is what Bilaam lacked. Bilaam wanted to have the death – and the world to come – of the righteous Jews. He knew the truth in his head, yet he was not able to bring himself to live accordingly.

We see the same idea in the gemora in Gittin (56b-57a). Unkelus the convert conjures Titus, and asks, “Who is great in the world to come?” Titus answered, “The Jews.” But then he added, “Still, if you torment them in this world, you can be on top – at least in this short, temporary existence.” Even after punishment and seeing that he was wrong, he refused to change. Knowledge that doesn’t bring about change is worthless.

From the wicked Bilaam and Titus we learn that grand visions of the future mean nothing if they do not shape the way that we live each day.

It is our job to seize the opportunities that Hashem sends us, and use them to define ourselves as true servants of Hashem. When one publicly stands by his convictions in avodas Hashem, those convictions become embedded in his heart.