Currently, it seems that everyone is declaring, “Let’s be together!” At the same time everyone is saying, “My way is right!” This is not a new phenomenon but has been going on since time immemorial. What is the key to success in allowing everyone to express their ideas and have these ideas be appreciated, and yet to have total unity amongst the Jewish people?

I once heard from Rabbi Zev Leff roughly the following statement: “The best thing for a marriage is an argument. The worst thing for a marriage is to insist that you are right, and your spouse is wrong.” I understand that he meant the following: Each person from their vantage point has a perspective that should be valued. Which side of the argument is right for the ultimate good of the marriage unit must be decided by the unit itself, and with proper understanding, each one in the marriage will walk away enriched with the other’s view, whether it is one or the other’s opinion which is embraced. In these situations, there is sometimes a compromise or a totally new idea that is born out of the argument. All these interactions enrich the marriage.

The key is: What is each spouse focused on. Are we in a marriage to “win”, or are we in it to make the marriage – or the home – a better place? Once the goal is altruistic, each side can be seen and understood as a beautiful point of view, which can be accented and appreciated more, sometimes even with an opposing view. Whereas if the purpose is “to win”, the argument could, heaven forfend, become ugly. Phrases such as “I told you so” have no place in a healthy marriage. For their intent is to show one’s supremacy, as opposed to caring about the joint goal.

When Moshe Rabbeinu went up to Har Sinai and the Jews saw the legions of angels with flags, they too yearned to have a flag of their own. Hashem happily granted their request and said he would give them their own flags. Rav Baruch Mordechai Ezrachi asks, “Why were the flags presented to the tribes only after the building of the Tabernacle with the tribe’s encampment around it?” He answers based on the aforementioned thought. Hashem created klal Yisrael with 12 tribes, so that each tribe would bring something to the table that is unique. This was represented by the tribe’s flag. The flag gave the tribe itself, and all of the other tribes, an appreciation for that tribe’s contribution to the klal. However, as good as each tribe’s qualities were, they were only beneficial if they related to the central focus of our lives, the Torah and the Tabernacle. Without having that central focus, each strength could be taken to an extreme and become destructive.

So too in our time, as we rally under the banner of “k’ish echad belev echad”, true success can only be reached with an ultimate common goal of doing the Will of Hashem.

May we merit this year to accept the Torah, all of us together. If we do so we will definitely merit the ultimate victory.